Brenda Carol Kophamer

Brenda Carol Phelps Kophamer
August 15, 1952 – September 25, 2026

God’s finger touched her and she slipped away

From earth’s dark shadows to a brighter day

God saw the road was getting rough

The hills were hard to climb

He gently closed her weary eyes

And whispered, “Peace be Thine”

To a beautiful garden this friend has gone

To a land of perfect rest

Though she is gone she still lives on. In the garden of memory.

Brenda Carol Phelps Kophamer, 74, of Fleming Island, Florida, passed away in her home after a battle with oral cancer. She spent her final days surrounded by her children, grandchildren, and sisters.

Early Life: Brenda was born on August 15, 1952, in Arlington, Virginia, to Harold and Ella Frances Phelps. She grew up in Middleburg, Virginia, as one of six children alongside her siblings Joe, Mike, Susan, Cindy, and Mary Ellen. Young Brenda was known for being sweet, responsible, dependable, and, as her family lovingly remembers, a bit of a “goody two shoes.” Raised in a full house that including “Granny”, she was responsible and hard-working at an early age, working in her family’s drug store. As a teenager, she enjoyed dances, church youth group, school clubs, spending time with friends, and going on dates.

Education: Brenda attended Loudoun County High School, where she distinguished herself academically and through her involvement in school activities. She was selected to attend Girls State and became a National Merit Scholar. She later attended Mary Baldwin College, an all-women’s college in Virginia, where she majored in Spanish. Her love of the Spanish language and culture led her to spend her entire junior year studying abroad in Madrid, Spain.

Marriage and Family: In 1974, Brenda married Scott Kophamer, a Navy fighter pilot. They were married for 25 years and had two children, Kelly in 1979 and David in 1980. Life as a Navy family took Brenda around the country and across the world. Over the years, she lived in Florida, Texas, California, Maryland, Colorado, Japan, the Philippines, and eventually settled back in Florida, making her home first in Orange Park and later in Fleming Island. During the family’s two years in Japan, Brenda taught English to children at a Japanese school. Throughout Scott’s many lengthy deployments, Brenda frequently carried the responsibility of raising their children and managing the household on her own. She did so with the quiet strength and dependability that characterized so much of her life. Her family always came first, and she routinely placed her own wants and needs behind those of the people she loved.

Nursing: In the early 1990s, Brenda returned to school to become a nurse. She graduated with honors from Florida Community College at Jacksonville and was the sole recipient of the FCCJ Excellence in Nursing Award. After graduation, Brenda began her nursing career at Baptist, working in the critical care unit. She eventually became Nurse Manager of the Heart Hospital. She made many close, lifelong friends in her nursing career who were able to spend time with her and support her family during her battle with cancer.

Grammie: In 2007, Brenda retired from nursing for another role she treasured even more: helping to raise her grandchildren. Her five grandchildren—Kortnee, Jon, Hannah, Alex, and Kerstyn—were among the greatest joys of her life. Brenda was an extraordinary grandmother. She loved teaching her children and grandchildren the things she loved, especially art, crafting, cooking, and baking. She loved to laugh at the innocent things her grandchildren said and did when they were young.

Hobbies and Interests: Brenda was an artist. She loved to sew and made clothing, crafts and countless other handmade items. When her children were young, she could handmake whatever creative Halloween costumes they would imagine. She was also a sketcher and a painter. She enjoyed classical music and especially loved Christmas music.

Brenda was an exceptional cook and prepared all kinds of different dinners for her family nearly every night. She was also a talented baker. On everyone’s birthday, she baked them their favorite cake or pie from scratch. Besides treats for friends and family, she also spent many days making homemade, all-natural dog treats for her son’s business, Poochie’s Park. The dogs will miss “Grammie’s Treats”! Brenda loved all of God’s creatures dearly, rescuing many and donating her time and money to animal welfare.

Generosity: Brenda gave generously of both her time and her resources throughout her life. She donated money to countless charities and helped out individuals whenever she found anyone in need. She volunteered with both Cub Scouts and Girl Scouts while raising her children. During her years as a Navy wife, Brenda contributed more than 1,000 volunteer hours as a caseworker for the Navy-Marine Corps Relief Society and also served as a volunteer trainer and recruiter at NAS Jacksonville. More recently, she volunteered as a first-grade teacher’s assistant at Paterson Elementary School.

Faith: Brenda was a faithful Christian and was a member of several churches throughout her entire life, often singing in the choir. She served as a church office assistant at St. Giles Church and a youth group leader. More recently, she cooked meals for River Christian Church’s Food and Friends meal-delivery ministry. She read and reread the Bible many times. Her faith was reflected most clearly in the way she treated people every day—with compassion, generosity, loyalty, patience, and a genuine concern for how others felt. She believed in doing God’s work.

Qualities and Quirks: Those who loved Brenda knew that they could always count on her to be there for them, it was never a doubt of whether she would say yes or no, she would always say yes and would never make you feel any kind of bad about it. She loved to help in any task. She was very organized, educated, and even left-handed! She was a humble contributor. She wanted the people around her to be happy and cared deeply about their feelings. Her family also lovingly remembers another unmistakable part of Brenda’s personality: she was a follower of rules and a worrier. These traits became an affectionate family joke that they loved to laugh about with her.

“I wish for my family and friends to know that I love them, and that I do not fear death, because my life has been full of wondrous things and I’m going home to a wondrous heaven! I was steadfastly a faithful and loving wife, mother, grandmother and friend, and above all, a child of God.”

The woman that gave everything to her family and friends before herself leaves behind her daughter, Kelly Bemus and her husband, Chris. Her son, David Kophamer and his wife, Heather. Her five grandchildren, Kortnee Kophamer, Jon Bemus, Hannah Kophamer, Alex Bemus, and Kerstyn Kophamer. And her siblings, Joe, Mike, Susan, Cindy, and Mary Ellen.

She was preceded in death by her parents, Harold and Ella Frances Phelps.

Kelly and David are planning a simple, private memorial where they will spread her ashes near the family’s plot in Virginia.